Taking charge of my care

When I was a child, one of my favorite albums was Really Rosie with music by Carole King and story by Maurice Sendak, who I still love love love to this day. This album was so freaking good to me. I sang to it all the time. It came to my mind recently when one of my nephews was acting fresh. I told my mom we should get the record again to play him the song "Pierre."  It's about a naughty little boy that always says, "I don't care."  Pierre ends up getting eaten by a lion. (Don't worry kiddies, he gets out in the end.)

I've been described by some as someone who cares too much. Maybe it was "Pierre" that made me think not caring was a terrible state to be in and swear to always, always care.  My Grams once told me once "you always did care about things no one else cares about." I've worn that distinction like a badge over the years. A medal of honor earned in battle. Much of my work is an uphill struggle.  This past week I've ha several disheartening conversations in which I made  impassioned calls for change that were not acted upon.  It's dawned on me that sometimes other people do not care about what I care about. My first reaction was to think to myself this situation is breaking my heart. I have to fight harder. I have to make other people care.

I started drafting this message this morning dejected. Then this afternoon, someone came to me completely out of the blue and said "Thank you for caring."

All this caring can wear me out. Just as I got to the point where I was ready to say, "you know what, forget it. You've extinguished my interest in caring about this anymore,"   I get lured back in again.

I think it's time to take stock and most importantly charge of what I am caring about.

Things I care about right now:
My people. The crazy mixed up tribe of family and friends scattered all around the country and the globe. Those people that get me, support me, laugh at my silly jokes, dance with me til dawn, bring me a maraschino cherry on a spoon to make me feel better when I'm down and kiss me goodnight. The people that love me regardless of whether we're tied by blood or if we've butted heads in the past.

Seeking out the truth and sharing information. It's the reason I was drawn to being a journalist and why I've kept at it for close to twenty years now. Whether I'm addressing a half million newspaper readers, a handful of y'all in the blogosphere or a nice lady in the produce aisle, my mission is the same. I want to pass information on to other people that will inform them, rile them, make them smile, encourage them to take action, make them laugh out loud. In a word "engage" them.

The environment. It's been sixty degrees in January here in the North East. Global warming is on, people and only we can get it under control. I'd like to see some more snowflakes in my lifetime, thank you.

Art, music, books, films. I never tire of feeling a rush of emotion when watching a film, singing along to my new favorite song or old favorites, reading something that rocks my world. It's the creators of these art forms that I turn to again and again when my well of caring nears empty. All this beauty fills it back up again.

Myself. "Take care of yourself" is one of those totally overused sayings with almost no meaning anymore. Like "How are you?" People cringe when you start to answer. For a very long time, I thought I should care about others more than myself. That in doing so, I would be horribly selfish. Finally at 35, I realize I count just as much as everyone else. And dag nab it, I'm going to care about me. So there.

Comments

[joan]

Bravo, bravo, bravisimo!!!!
Girlfriend... you just rocked my world :)

I feel as if I have such a clearer understanding of you after reading this post, and now I love you even more!

We SHOULD care... Things SHOULD bother us... We SHOULD be concerned and pro-active.

Hey I just moved back North after 15 years in warm climates and I am SHOCKED at how warm the weather has been...

I'm with you all the way. Thank you for caring and for taking a stand.

xoxoxo
joan

[Melissa]

You know, I think that I could read your writings all day. I love the fact that you can get your thoughts down so meticulously yet it is graceful at the same time. You have this wonderful talent and it warms my heart every time I come here. You so easily get the words down, sometimes of the very same thoughts I am having, just cannot express them so well.
I am thrilled to see you are realizing how much you matter! That is so important. I too, did not see that soon enough in my life. It was not until just a couple of years ago that I decided I needed to have "ME TIME" -without feeling guilty. Enjoy caing about yourself, you only get ONE you!
I am really wishing we lived closer to eachother. The short time that we have been in eachothers lives, you have really been a delight..
Now that you know you matter... remember that someone 1000 miles away thinks you matter too!

[Marilyn]

You're preaching to the choir on this one, sister. :) I get particularly depressed feeling this way at work, given that I work at a school. My first year there (not a teacher--work in the counseling office) I simply could not understand why some people didn't seem to care about some of the things I thought were obvious to care about. 2-1/2 years in (and I'm glad to say, having done some good stuff along the way), I'm in "myself" mode. I'm almost 20 years older than you and it's JUST recently dawned on me that it's okay to give to MYSELF...that that doesn't make me a selfish person...that I don't have to reserve all of my caring energy for others...that focusing energy on myself doesn't mean that I'm not a compassionate person...(you get the idea)... :) I've finally come around to the thinking that says to care for ourselves first so that we can better care for others. Here's to a self-caring 2008! :)