Self Portrait Challenge: Bathroom Etiquette

Psst.

Hey, Lady.

Yes, I am talking to you.

Can we talk for a moment? Perhaps privately?

Let's pop into the ladies room. It's actually convenient that we're in here. I'd like to tell you about something that gets me peeved. Now I'm not pointing the finger and saying you in particular are to blame for this but you can stand in for the Everywoman. Somewhere in your past, your mother or your grandmother or  maybe even a meddlesome spinster aunt told you to never, ever, under no circumstances, sit on a public toilet. She wagged her finger, shook her head, made some vague squatting motions and used the phrase "hover" quite a bit. The whole unsavory talk only lasted a few minutes, but it's haunted you hasn't it? Then there was that film you had to sit through in sex-ed class in high school that outlined all sorts of cooties and creepy crawlies out in the world just waiting to invade you betwixt your nethers.

And you've been hovering ever since, haven't you? Which leads me to my problem. Tinkle sprinkles all over the seat for the next gal to come in. You see, some of us, don't have the leg strength of a gymnast, the balance of a tightrope walker or the fear of cooties in us. Some women just want to sit down for a moment of piece before going back to work, the movies, our place at the bar, or dinner. Then there is that unexpected, gross, wet, surprise when you realize you've sat down on some else's business. This is happening in restaurants and bars, office buildings, airplanes and any other public place a lady can find to make a pit stop.

This wanton spritzing is completely unacceptable. I implore you to stop at once. In all my years, do you want to know how many times I've picked up a bout of the cooties from using the loo? A big fat zero. How many times have I sat in a puddle? I've lost count. Now I've learned my lesson and make sure to look first. Do you think I walk the earth to have to wad up a handful of tissue to swab the decks after you let 'er spray?

Um, the answer to that rhetorical question would be a resounding, "no."

I guess I can't tell you how to do your business. It's a free country. If you want to hover , than you'll hover. Just think about who's going to get stuck with your mess before you whiz out out of the stall.

For more frank discussion of lavs and loos and the people who use them, visit Self Portrait Challenge. Wadded up tissue optional.

Comments

[addycat]

"if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" always seems to work when it's scrawled on the stall walls...

and good for you for admitting that you sit!

[Janet]

I don't think we have the same fear of sitting here in oz. Actually, I never think about it, but I'm sure I would if I sat in a wet patch ... ew, gross.

Your office loos lok pretty similar to mine...

[Vedrana]

this is great, love it :)

[melanei]

fun post!

[gay]

love this post it is so true and that wet seat is sooo gross!

[jenica]

haha!

i'm one of the sitters. one of the sitters that only realize i was sprinkled after i stand up and feel mysteriously wet. blech!

[holli]

I would like to add to this "courtesy flush!!!!"

I love this post - I hover, but very carefully. I am always considerate, and it has given me excellent leg strength.

Now if I could just do it backwards to work on my butt.

[Georgia]

My husband just gave me the strangest look because I was laughing so hard :)

"betwixt your nethers" That was HILARIOUS!

thanks for the giggles.

~Georgia